Twit Crit.

Earlier this week, a friend of mine on Twitter (@randyprine) pointed out to me the #foxnewslitcrit hashtag & suggested I partake in the festivities. (I didn't even realize this was sparked by a real-life Fox News book-interview-turned-pathetic-debacle until I was almost done writing these.)

They kinda became their own thing, & lo & behold, another one of my followers suggested I write a blog post collecting my tweets. So here it is. Now if only I could that tweet from her...

So thank you, whoever you are.

Here is a day wasted mocking right-wing literary-journalism, Twitter-style.

Mr. Melville, I don't know which offended me more—the Anglo-guilt of a great WHITE whale or the profanity in the title. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

If you were so taken by the Democracy in America, Mr. de Tocqueville, why didn't you write your book IN AMERICAN?! #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Joyce, this is the worst biography of President Grant I have ever read. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

But Mr. Dickens, did you have to make the stoic, fiscally-responsible Scrooge turn into a bleeding-heart liberal at the end? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Fitzgerald, as dismayed as I was to read about Gatsby's lavish liberal spending, at least he gets shot at the end. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

But Mr. Shakespeare, wasn't Iago right to stand his ground & stalk that dangerous Moor thug Othello? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Here's some help Mr. Dickens: If there's a #GOP POTUS, it's the best of times; if there's a Dem, it's the worst of times. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Well Mr. Thoreau, I couldn't determine from Walden if you're a noble Libertarian patriot or a crazy-ass liberal idiot. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Sendak, I don't like your allegory for liberal fantasy trumping conservative values. I did like that it had pictures. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Cervantes, did Don Quixote fight these windmills before or after he illegally crossed the Mexico-US boarder? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Okay Mr. Twain, so when Huckleberry uses the N-word, it's literature, but when I say it, it's racist? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

I might've enjoyed your story, Mr. Carroll, but then again I'm not some hippie chain-smoking opium-junkie like Alice—or you. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Nabokov, I found your book Lolita to be disgusting. None of those school students were armed. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Ms. Mitchell, I just have to say that Gone With The Wind is the greatest nonfiction account of the Civil War I've ever read. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

It's such an honor to have you, Mr. Dostoyevsky. Tell us, what's it like to be able to see Sarah Palin from your house? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

So Mr. Poe, why does the Raven keep saying "Nevermore"? Is he trying to repeal #ObamaCare? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Hawthorne, why did Hester only have the letter "A" on her chest? Shouldn't it have been "LAS" for "Slutty-Ass Liberal"? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

So Ms. Alcott, when you submitted this manuscript, was it in a little binder full of Little Women? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Salinger, Holden is young, disrespectful, & walks the streets in a backwards cap swearing. & yet he appears to be white. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mr. Whitman, how are you "The Great American Poet"?! Your poems don't even when rhyme! #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Well Mr. Steinbeck, Tom Joad was a farmer & as far as I can tell, his family wouldn't have benefited from food stamps… #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mrs. Beecher Stowe, they say your book started a war. Can you teach us how you did that? We here at Fox LOVE starting wars. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

So Mr. Dahl, why is Willy Wonka giving golden handouts to the lazy 47%-er Charlie Bucket? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Seriously William, do they call you Mr. Faulkner cuz no one can Faulking understand a Falking thing in your Faulking books?! #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mr. Shakespeare, I'm interested in the famous soliloquy in Hamlet. Is 2B (or not 2B) another juror from the Zimmerman trial? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Can you get out of here lady, I'm about to speak with the author of Middlemarch & his name is GEORGE! #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mr. Milne, none of your characters have jobs & sit around all day philosophizing outside. Is 100 Acre Wood a pinko commune? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

So Mr. Homer, would this kind of "oral" history you wrote down be legal in Virginia? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

Mr. Capote, it seems to us that In Cold Blood is a great expose on how gay men just love serial killers. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Sorry Mr. Madison & Mr. Jay, I only read the Federalist Papers that Mr. Hamilton wrote. I thought that he was coming too. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 29, 2013

You're going to fit right in, Ms. Austen. If anyone knows all about having Pride & Prejudice, it's us! #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mr. DuBois, do you mind if we refer to your book as "The Souls Of Anglo-Saxon Impaired Folks"? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mr. Pirsig, I liked the guide to motorcycle maintenance, but wish you secretly included a part that closed abortion clinics. #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013

Mr. John, Mr. Paul, Mr. Mark, & Mr. Luke, does Jesus have the right to teach the tenets of Christianity when he's Jewish? #foxnewslitcrit
— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) July 30, 2013