At the risk of completely stereotyping against jock-types (not that that’s ever stopped me before), I believe that the whole idea of fantasy football is wasted on a demographic that isn’t the least bit aware of the full potential such an activity holds.
This is a fantasy football league, people! They’re not real teams! You aren’t really in charge of them! So why limit yourself to current football players? If this is truly a made-up fantasy world, you should be able to bring players back from the dead. I mean, imagine if you could build your little pretend team around Jim Thorpe? Or, um, some other dead football player – he’s the only dead one I can apparently name. In fact, outside of O.J. Simpson and whatever the Refrigerator’s real name is, Jim Thorpe is the only non-current player I can name, period. Oh wait, there was the guy who ran the café in My Two Dads. Oh, and the dad on Webster. But I digress.
As this last tangent shows, I would have a most awesome fantasy football team ever because I wouldn’t make the silly mistake of limiting myself to people who are and/or were professional football players. Let’s keep things interesting, people. I bet Abraham Lincoln woulda been one heck of a player – 6’4” and he can out-chop any other rail-splitter in this-here county? Done – Abe, you’re playing for me. Teddy Roosevelt too, he must’ve kicked some ass in his day. In fact, I have a recording of a speech he made to a boys club comparing something (life, maybe?) to a football game. Y’know, trying to keep the kiddies’ interest and all that. But if any of those kids had shown disinterest and mouthed off, you know he coulda charged right into the crowd. And while we’re on the subject of presidents, wasn’t Gerald Ford All-American? And Ronald Reagan played Knute Rockne – oh wait, I can name another dead football star. (P.S.: Am I the only one to notice that all the presidential football players are Republicans? Damn you, the Kennedy Clan and your damn wussy touch football games!)
So yeah, I like where this is going. Pretty bad-ass. We get a fantasy league of dead presidents – Lincoln, Teddy, Ford, Reagan – throw in a few live ones – well, Barack Obama (George W. can cheerlead from the side) – and then keep Knute Rockne as an alternate (he can give Abe pointers on offense and Ronnie pointers on acting) and have Will Rodgers play defense (okay, I don’t think Will Rodgers would be any good at football, but he would have hilarious things to say about participating in a game with half a dozen dead presidents).
And then, of course, I’d center the whole team around Jim Thorpe.
Now, there’s a Super Bowl I would watch. Just imagine what they could do for the halftime show, let alone who would have the wardrobe malfunction. And the victory party? Sign me up.
Dead prez, consider yourself drafted; fantasy football, consider yourself welcome.